A year of getting older; A year of madness; A year of surprises and shocks too…Happy Birthday to me! (I’m in a committed relationship with me, I better be good to myself on my day).
Turning 27 isn’t a big deal that I overstressed about a month ago. I still remember messaging Lamiya (my best friend) and sulking about the number. But today I’m living that day and trust me it’s a normal day plus surprises from my loved ones. (I still do the happy dance to celebrate my day…’It’s my birthday’)
So, this letter isn’t just going to be about thanking people and God for my birthday, it’s going to be a little different, it’s regarding that change which I’m sure most of us experience as we grow- diminishing the marginal utility of birthdays! In simple words, there is always a level of excitement as your day approaches but the level deteriorates over the years.
Let’s go back to the memories of your 18th birthday, for most of us it might be a crazy and special one with wishes saying; ‘You’re an adult now!’ ‘Omg now you get legal rights’; ‘Learn to be responsible you’ve grown up’… I can go on and on since I received many of these too. But the reason my 18th birthday is memorable because I had butterfly wings, a tiara, and a wand in my hand at my birthday party. (Yes, you can imagine and laugh, I absolutely looked hilarious. My best friend and I thought it would be super cool, but now all we do is take a moment to be silent and after keeping the phone laugh about it and text each other). If an 18year would read this they would surely scratch their head and thank their stars that they weren’t born then and didn’t know an 18-year-old like me. But somehow, I’m happy because I knew that Lamiya and I had innocence behind that idea, and we were these excited cutlets wanting to make memories not realizing that it could backfire. Unfortunately, there is a lot that changed from that birthday to this one…the major change being people in my life…most left, few stayed, many entered. It’s surprising how few of my previous birthdays were attended by friends who don’t even wish me anymore. (If you’re reading this you know who you are).
I seldom battle with the concept of maturity (I still feel it’s subjective). If laughing a lot, talking too much, making new friends, believing in dreams, finding happiness in stupid little things, being lost, giving people benefit of a doubt and trusting that goodness still breathes is immaturity…then I’m super happy about being a 27-year-old immature, crazy woman who believes in shooting stars and fairytale moments. What does age have to do with quitting things which have been an integral part of someone’s individuality?
As I reflect back, I notice how madly in love I am with my birthday. I would do a countdown and planning one month prior, and the more I got excited the more it would be a flop one. I did the wisest thing, I stopped planning and started going with the flow, turns out to be my friends and family were equally confused about how to make it memorable for me. So, now I plan things and convince my brain to act surprised …Voila! It works.
Before going to bed I look back how far I’ve come…from a sensitive princessey damsel to a strong and independent woman…but the kid in me refuses to die. I’ve been bruised, destroyed, shattered but learned so much from my injuries…the things that I cried about years back, make me smile and secretly pat myself for self-healing. #OvercomingNegatives
Every birthday I analyze the changes my life has gone through, each year I get the best surprise from me to me and that is a ‘refined me’. We all are busy in our lives having no time to visit the deepest corners of our hearts, some people tell me you shouldn’t think about bad times or people who hurt you, but I say why not? Till the time you don’t deal with it how will you ever let go. The trick is to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept an apology you never received.
If I was writing all this few years back I’m sure it would be something different but as I said every birthday gets me a year closer to knowing myself better. I listen to my favorite music and introspect (It’s important to spend time with someone who has been with you the longest…yourself!)
For everyone, their birthday is important how much ever we may disagree or say it’s just a day. Then why is it a big deal when someone close forgets to wish you? Why do you expect to even cut a cake? Let’s get candid with ourselves and our loved ones…it matters! it will always do.
Until last year I used to get birthday wishes over a call, text messages, and WhatsApp…which I totally love since it has a personal touch but this year marks my advent on Facebook and so it’s simpler for people to get a notification and type… A major change has been the number of phone calls; earlier my phone wouldn’t stop ringing and now my notification alerts don’t stop, quite a tech-savvy world (being from the old school I still think that phone calls have a charm of their own).
I miss the school days where cards were given on birthdays (I’ve saved all of them); homemade cakes still make me salivate; the battle to wish at 12 was a war between friends; birthday parties at home; balloon décor; and classmates singing the birthday song…this thought already makes me ecstatic. I don’t want to say I want to go back to that time because I still experience most of the things even today, people who know me also know the mad side of me and so they match the intensity.
The excitement surely has reduced from the earlier birthdays to now but the value and feeling of being special on that day remain intact.
7th birthday or the 27th birthday, for my mum, dad, and brother, I will and I am still that little girl in a pink frock waiting to blow her birthday candles and expecting that homemade cake (which mom slyly makes when I’m not around, but she forgets that it smells so amazing that I’ve already relished it in my mind). I love my birthdays and I admit it, time makes age climb the ladder but my heart still skips a beat when the clock strikes 12.
More from my unforgettable 27…
My favorite comedian Kenneth Sebastian wished me, Thank you Lamiya for this surprise :*